


Tainted

by bradleymartin



Category: Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:00:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bradleymartin/pseuds/bradleymartin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Every day Subaru can’t help but imagine Seishirou above him, looking down on him with that cryptic smile and cold eyes.</i> </p><p>Takes place before the events of X/1999</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tainted

His cock is hard and he pulls at it roughly. It’s the way Seishirou would do it, if Seishirou were here. Every day Subaru can’t help but imagine Seishirou above him, looking down on him with that cryptic smile and cold eyes. He doesn’t want to get turned on by that, but every day he does, and then every day he’s here, flat on his back masturbating to a man who thinks no more of him than the ants he steps on every day when he walks down the street.

He has a vibrator in him. He didn’t prepare himself as well as he could’ve, so it’s a little painful. But he did it on purpose. Every push and pull and burning of flesh is because he knows that’s the kind of lover Seishirou would be, if they had ever been lovers. Seishirou would be rough — cruel, even. Maybe he would tie Subaru up or not let him orgasm or maybe there would be worse things that Subaru can’t even imagine, like a knife in his flesh. And he hates that it doesn’t even sound unwelcome, if Seishirou were the one holding the knife.

Subaru tries not to think of that. He shoves the vibrator in and out and he groans. Seishirou would probably delight in every grunt of pain. So Subaru does it the same way, and after a while the pain turns into pleasure, and then it’s _Oh, god, Seishirou_ , groaned out with no one to listen.

Then he comes and there’s nothing satisfying about it. _So fast, Subaru_ , he can practically hear whispered in his ear, and there’s a chill up his spine. He wonders how different it would be to have sex with Seishirou. He can imagine him there so easily. He can imagine hanging onto him, his nails digging into his back. His flesh would be real and warm and Subaru wouldn’t mind marking it; he wouldn’t mind having even one tiny, impermanent mark on the man who has marked him so completely and irrevocably.

Every day it’s love and every day it’s hate. Intellectually, Subaru knows that he should hate Seishirou. He thinks of Subaru as nothing at all, and he would’ve murdered him without remorse all those years ago. Even more importantly, he murdered Hokuto, and that’s something Subaru can never forgive.

But, still, the love is real and the lust is real. Finding out the real Seishirou hasn’t stopped Subaru from being in love with him, but it’s turned it into something dirty and tainted. It’s warped him. Seishirou had always seemed pure and kind, but he isn’t. But Subaru can’t blame him for that, because he isn’t pure and kind either. He’s disgusting and vile, and all he can want every second of the day is a man he should hate.

His cock stirs again. _You can’t even hide it_ , Seishirou would say, his hot breath in Subaru’s ear. Subaru knows he’ll never see Seishirou again, but for now this cruel, pale imitation is enough.


End file.
